I recently completed a 40 day fast for my marriage during which I performed at least one daily act to try to show my spouse the kindness and love of Christ, regardless of his behavior. While Fireproof was an initial jumping off point, I created my own version to better fit my situation. I learned as I did mine and landed with the below.
Goal: Deepen your relationship with God.
Notes: I recommend that you combine this with a daily food fast. When you crave the food(s) you have given up, it will remind you throughout the day of the fast. Due to its origins, the text of this fast assumes you are married. However, you could potentially replace “spouse” with any key person in your life. As I mentioned last time, this fast is NOT intended for people who are in marriages where your health/well-being is at stake. I am not asking you to stay with someone for 40 days who mistreats you or your kids or anyone. If you are in this kind of relationship, please get help: www.thehotline.org. God created you in His image, and He did not intend for you to be abused by your spouse or anyone.
Prayer when craving the missing food(s) and during your daily quiet time: “Let today be the day I come to know You deeper than ever before.”
Day 1: Commit to reading the Bible daily for at least 15 minutes, if you do not already do so. Commit to praying daily for at least 10 minutes, if you do not already do so.
Day 2: Find a “Nathan” for this fast to hold you accountable. Named for the prophet who confronted King David in 2 Samuel 12 after he sinned against God, a “Nathan” is the person in your life who will challenge you, call you out, and tell you like it is.
Day 3: Ask how you can pray for your spouse. If he or she won’t/can’t answer, pray Deuteronomy 6:5 over them: “I pray [spouse’s name] will love the LORD our God with all [his/her] heart, all [his/her] soul, and all [his/her] strength.”
Day 4: At least during the fast, commit to live out Ephesians 4:26-31:
“‘Don’t sin by letting anger control you.’ Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.”
Day 5: Commit to live out Galatians 5:22-26:
“The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.”
Day 6: Commit to communicating to your spouse either a verse or a prayer every day during the fast.
Day 7: Forgive your spouse. Write a letter to give them or burn.
Day 8: Ask your spouse how the situation or circumstance he or she asked you to pray about is going. If a specific request was not provided, communicate to them, “I am praying for you daily.”
Day 9: Do something unexpected that your spouse will see as a kind gesture.
Day 10: Thank your spouse for something he or she recently did.
Day 11: Write our three positive things about your spouse. Leave it for him or her to find.
Day 12: Think of something you do that you know annoys your spouse. If you don’t know, ask. Don’t do this thing for the rest of the fast.
Day 13: Think of a conflict you and your spouse have that you can pray about and find a compromise. Try to put your spouse first.
Day 14: Be present with your spouse. No need to say or do anything. Just be present.
Day 15: Cook or buy your spouse his or her favorite dinner.
Day 16: Find a way to show respect to your spouse today.
Day 17: Pray to God to examine your heart and show you anything that offends Him.
Day 18: Pray for God to allow you to see your spouse through His eyes.
Day 19: Check in with your spouse to see if the prayer request has changed or how it is progressing.
Day 20: Remove any temptation that may be in your life – a person, a thing; get help for an addiction, etc.
Day 21: Plan to worship with your spouse.
Day 22: See if your spouse will share with you anything for which you need to ask forgiveness. If so, ask forgiveness. If you don’t feel sorry, pray about it. Don’t just emptily apologize.
Day 23: Do an unexpected kind gesture.
Day 24: Leave your spouse an encouraging card with Scriptures.
Day 25: Find out your spouse’s love language. If you already know, fill him or her up.
Day 26: Pray with your spouse. If you can’t, tell him or her that you are praying for them.
Day 27: Recommend a Bible study to your spouse to read alone or together.
Day 28: Thank your spouse for a specific thing he or she recently did.
Day 29: Check in with your spouse to see if the prayer request has changed or how it is progressing.
Day 30: Leave your spouse a handwritten letter of encouragement with verses.
Day 31: Do an unexpected kind gesture.
Day 32: Write what made you fall in love with your spouse. Give it to him or her, if you so choose.
Day 33: Create a “break” for your spouse. Do a chore, errand, or something else he or she would normally do.
Day 34: Cook or buy your spouse his or her favorite meal.
Day 35: Plan to worship with your spouse.
Day 36: Spend time with God. Ask Him to examine your heart. Listen.
Day 37: Thank your spouse for something he or she recently did.
Day 38: Check in with your spouse to see if the prayer request has changed or how it is progressing.
Day 39: Determine what, if anything, you want to share with your spouse about the fast. Any letters written during it? Any insights?
Day 40: Write vows of commitment to God. What areas in your relationship with God need to be renewed? Strengthened?
In a future installment, I will share my renewed commitment to God from Day 40. Thank you for reading. I pray that if you choose to fast, you will find what you seek.