Civil rights leader Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr., would have turned 91 on January 15. Today, the United States observes this hero’s birthday with a national holiday (third Monday of January). I was thinking about him today, and I thought it’d be interesting to hear a complete sermon of his. This is one I found over at the Martin Luther King, Jr., Research and Education Institute at Stanford University.
Reverend King delivered this sermon on February 4, 1968, in Atlanta, Georgia – two months to the day before he was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee. Known as the “Drum Major Instinct” sermon, it took place at Ebenezer Baptist Church, the church where Reverend King was co-pastor with his father.
The sermon, which I recommend hearing in full, covers a wide variety of topics still very applicable nearly 52 years later. As its core, Reverend King uses Mark 10:35-44. James and John ask Jesus if they can sit at His right and left hands in His Kingdom. Ultimately, Jesus tells them it is not up to Him, but to His Father. When the other apostles complain about James and John’s question, Jesus also notes that the true leaders among them will serve everyone else.
As Reverend King notes in his sermon, “[W]e have some of the same James and John qualities. And there is deep down within all of us an instinct. It’s a kind of drum major instinct—a desire to be out front, a desire to lead the parade, a desire to be first. And it is something that runs the whole gamut of life.”
The sermon is only about 38 minutes, yet covers:
Compulsive-buying/keeping up with the Joneses
As I mentioned, Reverend King was assassinated two months later. Eerily, he concludes this sermon with how he would like to be eulogized at his funeral. This would prove to be his last sermon at his home church. [Read his actual eulogy by Dr. Benjamin Mays.]
I want to close out today with a couple of verses chosen by JC in Reverend King’s honor that speak to the kind of harmony that everyone should be fighting to achieve here on Earth:
“After this I saw a vast crowd, too great to count, from every nation and tribe and people and language, standing in front of the throne and before the Lamb.”
from Revelation 7:9
“And I saw another angel flying through the sky, carrying the eternal Good News to proclaim to the people who belong to this world—to every nation, tribe, language, and people.” Revelation 14:6
In yesterday’s post, I briefly mentioned introversion. I want to clarify that being an introvert is not a bad thing. For introverts like me, it is simply part of how God created us – like having brown eyes or blue eyes. The same goes for extroverts, for that matter.
I once had an extremely extroverted manager at work who seemed to view my introversion as a kind of sickness, but I completely disagree with that view. Oddly enough, we actually worked well together because our polar opposite personality types allowed us to fill the gaps of the other.
I don’t know if there are truly more extroverts in this world or if it just seems that way because they have the loudest voices. I think some natural introverts act in an extroverted fashion as their coping mechanisms, so that would also tend to increase the apparent number.
What exactly is an introvert anyway?
Despite perceptions to the contrary, we generally don’t want to lock ourselves permanently away from society in a log cabin in the mountains somewhere to write poetry or whatever – though there may be times where we feel like doing just that.
We don’t hate people. No more than any other group unfortunately does, anyway.
We don’t think we’re better than others are, though our quiet tendencies can sometimes be misinterpreted as aloofness.
We don’t feel the need to fill every moment of silence with talk, especially small talk. There is such a thing as comfortable silence. That is one way God manifests His presence among two or more people. It is hard to hear Him (or anyone) if you are always talking. The best way to listen is by being quiet.
The clearest explanation I have heard about introversion and extroversion went something like this:
An extrovert’s energy is drained by being alone. To recharge, she or he must be around people.
An introvert’s energy is drained by being around people. To recharge, she or he must be alone.
Both extroverts and introverts can flex as needed to various situations.
As an introvert, I am not always able to be alone when I need to recharge. For example, in the middle of a busy workday. If I see those situations coming, I try to mentally prepare myself for them. Essentially, I try to get an extra charge so that my energy (and tolerance) lasts a little longer. Beforehand, I do a lot of praying, reading of scripture, or listening to praise music.
In the middle of the situation, I also have similar mechanisms to get mini-charges until I can be alone. It only takes a few seconds to say a quick prayer in your head: “Thank You, Jesus” or even “Help me, Jesus” or one of my favorites, “Please make them stop talking, Jesus.”
You can also keep a favorite verse somewhere you can easily see it – on your phone or a notepad, for instance. If you can’t do that, then memorize one and repeat it in your head.
When JC was helping me overcome the anxiety that used to control nearly every facet of my life, she suggested I repeat “Be still and know that I am God!” in my head as soon as I began to feel anxious (from Psalm 46:10). This often calmed me.
Again, this is not to say introversion needs to be overcome, like anxiety. Far from it. Introversion can actually be a superpower when used wisely. However, introverts do have to learn to function around people without letting their batteries go completely dead.
So, find a verse or two that speaks to you and spiritually charges you, and try using them in the midst of a draining situation. Here are a few potential examples:
“Those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2
“Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!” Philippians 4:4
“He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62:2
I was a little under the weather last night, so I ended up not doing a post. I will do two on another day to make up for it. I don’t have an idea yet for today’s post. I guess we’ll see where things go.
I am traditionally a very introverted person. I have to make myself talk to people, rather than relying on my instinct of slinking past them and hoping they don’t see me. I have become better at talking to people since I was saved, though. That’s not to say I am some kind of expert, simply that I have improved.
One thing I have noticed is that smiling and saying “hello” to random people can often produce a smile in return. I see it as a small way of putting a little more joy into our world. The other aspect of it is the acknowledgement of “Yes, you are there, I see you.” We all too often ignore each other.
Something else I have gotten into the habit of doing is saying, “Have a blessed day” instead of the more routine “Have a nice day.” I find this particularly effective when interacting with over-stressed people who work in retail or food service industries. This brings a smile 99% of the time, followed by an enthusiastic, “Thank you, you too!” Similar to above, it is a way of saying, “Yes, you are here. What you do is appreciated.”
My third example of ways to make people smile actually appeals more to my introverted side. When people do something for me or do an exceptionally good job for me, I give them handwritten thank you notes. Some of them have been pleasantly shocked by this. I also use these opportunities to include a verse of scripture. In fact, I try not to send any card without including scripture.
Thank you for reading. May Jesus bless you.
“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” John 13:34-35
Nostalgia can be fun, but it can also be a barrier to spiritual growth if you dwell too much on the past. For one thing, we tend to remember the best parts and forget the rest. While this is only natural, it can make the “good ol’ days” of our lives seem idyllic in a way against which our lives today can never hope to compete.
The Israelites of the Old Testament come to mind. It seems every few miles on the way to the Promised Land, they are complaining to poor Moses about something. Here is but one example:
“‘If only the LORD had killed us back in Egypt,’ they moaned. ‘There we sat around pots filled with meat and ate all the bread we wanted. But now you have brought us into this wilderness to starve us all to death.'” Exodus 16:3
God and Moses have literally led these people to freedom. God has even worked visible miracles to do so, including the parting of the Red Sea. Yet, they are remembering the good ol’ days . . . of being slaves in Egypt. Here is how the Bible describes that slavery:
“The Egyptians made the Israelites their slaves. They appointed brutal slave drivers over them, hoping to wear them down with crushing labor. They forced them to build the cities of Pithom and Rameses as supply centers for the king.
“The Egyptians worked the people of Israel without mercy. They made their lives bitter, forcing them to mix mortar and make bricks and do all the work in the fields. They were ruthless in all their demands.”
from Exodus 1:11,13-14
Rather than placing their newfound freedom in perspective, the Israelites choose to obsess over the best part of their former lives – the Egyptian version of the all-you-can-eat buffet. They forget that the costs of admission to that buffet were their bodies and spirits.
This is not to suggest we should dwell on negative events from our past. In fact, you should discard anything that is holding you back and take only the good memories with you. Just don’t obsess over those memories.
As always, Paul has some good advice on the topic:
“I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.”
Paul is focusing himself and telling himself to forget his past. Along the same lines, let’s go back to the Old Testament. This is from Isaiah:
“I am the LORD, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. I called forth the mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick. But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.” Isaiah 43:16-18
Here, God is telling us, humanity, to forget His previous miracles because His future miracles will be even bigger.
People will sometimes say if only God still did big miracles – like the parting of the Red Sea. Saved Christians don’t need to see those kinds of miracles, though, because, as Paul said, we have the Holy Spirit in us, and we intimately know Jesus. These are far bigger miracles than parting any seas. We are carrying within us the very same power that brought Jesus back to life.
The faithful of Isaiah’s time were only able to read or hear about what we are blessed to have. They were still faithful, even without the gifts we have.
“All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth.”
I grip my flashlight a little tighter, wishing for the millionth time since I was a little boy that it really was a lightsaber. I’m in the middle of my daily walk, which I started much later than usual, and the sky is black. I’m entering a long stretch of dark road between the comforting illumination of my apartment complex and the lights of a busy street somewhere up ahead.
In the daylight, the only real concern I have in this area is dodging droppings left on the sidewalk for me by my Canadian friends – beautiful geese who gather to honk and laugh as I dance around their little presents.
In the dark, though, everything seems different. My flashlight is bulky and metal, chosen specifically because it resembles a lightsaber hilt. No little plastic flashlight would do. Yet, the light it produces seems frail. Barely penetrating the void.
Through the mist of rain, I see a shape ahead. Someone coming towards me?
My heart begins thudding. For a moment, I am afraid.
Then, I remember two things.
1.) I’m a child of God, and
2.) God sees just as perfectly at night as in the day.
I bravely press on. I pass the ominous shape.
It’s not a person at all.
Not even a goose.
It’s the back of a sign pointing the way to my apartment complex.
I thank the Holy Spirit for reminding me last night that I don’t need a lightsaber. All I need is God.
May Jesus bless you. Thank you for reading.
“But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12
“To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you.”
from Psalm 139:12
In the course of our lives, there are people who touch us, inspire us. People who help us become who we are. Perhaps a teacher…a grandmother…your mom…a best friend…a coach…a co-worker…an uncle…a sister…a pastor…an aunt…a brother…maybe even a niece…a nephew…a son…a daughter. Whoever your special people are, these people who have touched your heart, have you told them how you feel? Have you thanked them?
If they are still alive, seek them out. Call them. Write them. Visit them. Do anything to let them know.
Life being what it is, it may seem it is “too late.” Perhaps they have passed away, for instance. In that case, you can still write them a letter only you will ever see. Still express to them what they meant to you. Still thank them. Or, perhaps, seek out a close member of that person’s family. He or she would probably love to hear what their relative meant to you.
I’ve had a number of people who have been critical in my life so far, who have touched my very soul. I’ve talked about a couple of them on this blog, and there are others. I am blessed, very blessed to have had many loving, caring people in my life.
I realize, however, that not everyone feels that way. Maybe your life so far hasn’t been what you hoped it would be. Maybe you can’t think of even one example of someone you’d like to thank right now.
And that’s okay.
Because I have an example for you. Someone that loves and cares for you unconditionally. And that is Jesus Christ.
Imagine the greatest love ever, whoever you have loved or has loved you the most, and you are not even close to how much Jesus loves you. His love for you is infinite, as vast as the universe.
He knows everything you ever did (John 4:29) and ever will do. Think about that for a moment. The power of that. Jesus knows everything about you, yet He still loves you. Fully.
You may have broken every single commandment, but He still loves you.
You may have hurt every single person in your life, but He still loves you.
Every single person in your life may have hurt you, but He loves you.
He gave up His life for you, died for your sins and mine. The sins of all humanity, past and future.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16
If you don’t yet know Jesus, then I ask you, I beg you to take a moment to consider this gift He is offering you.
You need only to believe in Him as God’s Son, who died for you and rose three days later, accept Him in your heart as your Savior, and He will forgive your sins and grant you eternal life in the Perfect Place – Heaven.
While this locks you in for a wonderful afterlife, it also gives you an opportunity for a new life right here, right now in this world. Open your heart, and He will use you. Open your heart, and He will show you His plans for you. Open your heart, and you will know the depth of His love.
You will be a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). You will see the world in a whole new light. What was dark before, you will fill with His light. What worried you before, He will battle for you – indeed, He has already won.
Thank you for reading. May Jesus bless you.
Who will you inspire?
“I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:16-21
Nearly six months ago, Jesus blessed me with a rest from working. He extracted me from a toxic environment and provided for my needs. I remember doing quick math in my head the day I lost my job and thinking, “I’ll be fine, as long as I find something by October.”
October came and went. No job. No sign of a job. Yet, He continued to provide.
While looking for work, both JC and I prayed that God would “open and shut doors” so we would know His will. In the past, I would apply for two or three jobs, and one would come through for me. This time, I applied for more jobs than ever. Dozens. For a few of them, I admittedly would have been a stretch, for others, I was overqualified, but for many, I appeared to be a perfect match.
Only one door ever opened, though.
One of my initial concerns about this particular job was that the absolute maximum annual salary they would be able to offer was $X, whereas I had already figured out I needed a minimum of $X + 5,000 to make ends meet, and preferably $X + 10,000. However, I went forward with the process anyway. After all, it was the only door. While I was certainly not challenging God, I did have the stray thought that “If the offer comes in at $X + 10,000, I’ll know that is God at work and He wants me to take this job.”
When the call came on Tuesday, I was on the way to a park. I let it go to voicemail. I knew I would probably find out whether I had gotten the job when I called back. Rather than immediately return the call, I decided to take my walk first and spend time praying to God. Though pelted with freezing rain, I managed to get in nearly three miles of walking.
Back in my car, my fingers were numb. Once I warmed up, I called back. I was the successful candidate.
The offer? With absolutely no negotiation on my part, it came in at $X + 10,000. I almost cried.
When I think back on this rest, the main purpose was for me to learn to trust God – to realize that I rely on Him for everything. All of the wonderful aspects of my life are blessings from Him.
I am blessed that I was never in danger of missing a rent payment or even a meal. Though eligible, I never had to file for unemployment. God was right there, every step of the way.
I am grateful for my new job, which I am starting near the end of this month. In the meantime, I want to wrap up a few personal tasks. I also want to continue my spiritual focus while I have this extra time. I have recently been walking every day, which is one way I connect with Him. He now tells me that He wants me to write every day leading up to my start date as well. I have no idea what I will be saying, but look for daily posts from me for the next couple of weeks.
Thank you for reading. May Jesus bless you.
“I love you, LORD; you are my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.” Psalm 18:1-2
Happy New Year! As the sun rises on the 2020s, this is a perfect time to take stock of your life. Many people will make “resolutions” that will be all but forgotten by this time next week. What is the point of doing that?
Instead, we suggest that you make daily commitments for your soul. Here are some to consider:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ […] ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these” (from Mark 12:30-31).
“I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. I called forth the mighty army of Egypt with all its chariots and horses. I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned, their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick. But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. The wild animals in the fields will thank me, the jackals and owls, too, for giving them water in the desert. Yes, I will make rivers in the dry wasteland so my chosen people can be refreshed.” Isaiah 43:16-20
For both of us, 2019 was a year full of change. Except for giving birth, just about every other major life event that can happen to someone occurred to at least one of us in 2019 – much of it chronicled here on this very site. It was a year of blessings and tragedy, and through it all, we had Jesus and each other.
As the above excerpt from Isaiah says, though, “forget all that.” For you, that may mean forgetting 2019. Or it might mean the 2010s. Or even your entire life to this point.
Forget all of it.
Jesus is about to do something new in your life. Focus on what He is about to do. Look for Him. Feel Him.
Watch as He makes a pathway for you through the wilderness. Watch as He brings you water in the dry wasteland.
He is always there with you. He has a plan, and you are in it. He has already begun. See it.
Thank you for reading. May Jesus bless you in 2020 with peace, love, and joy.
“Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife: And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS.” Matthew 1:18-25
It is Christmas morning. I am running late for a family gathering. I just finished wrapping the last of the presents. I haven’t even showered yet. With absolutely nothing planned in advance, what better time to start writing a blog post after nearly three months of silence on my part?
This is my first Christmas morning “alone.” Of course, I am really not alone. I always have Jesus. I always have God. I always have the Holy Spirit. I have even felt my mom, who passed away in May, flit in and out a couple of times today.
While I cannot be with them today, I have also been looked in upon by my beloved and by my friends. In fact, when I was feeling down a few minutes ago, I instantly received a text message from a friend, followed by another from my beloved. Like I said, Jesus is with me and looking after me. I am blessed.
Some of us will spend time today with family and friends. Gifts might be exchanged. The shopping frenzy just ended, and the return frenzy is about to begin.
Let today, though, be a moment of peace. For today, we celebrate the birth of Jesus.
Enjoy your family. Enjoy your friends.
And if you find yourself “alone,” remember, that you are not truly alone. Jesus is with you. Feel Him.
Once you have accepted Jesus in your heart, no one can separate you from Him and His love. For that is the ultimate gift, His gift to us.
Jesus came here to our sinful world not to receive gifts, not to take residence in a grand palace and rule from afar, but to serve others. His life and death, indeed, was in service to all of us. His life is a perfect example of the loving humans we are all capable of being, as creatures designed in His image.
While we cannot achieve the perfection of Jesus, we can strive to improve ourselves and how we treat others every day. In this world, we are faced with many temptations. It is easy to take the route of negativity, but what does that accomplish? Look on this world with positive eyes. Find the good in others. Find ways to spread love. Find hope.
No, we are not perfect. Even the best of us is still a sinner. That is why it is critical to understand the importance of the birth and death of Jesus. He came here not only to serve as an example but to sacrifice His life for our own. Through His death, all of our sins are forgiven and eternal life with Him is ours — as long as we believe in Jesus and accept Him in our hearts.
No matter where you fall on the scale of sin, you need Jesus, and He is waiting for you. Even if you have broken every commandment at least once, Jesus will still forgive you and grant you eternal life.
Even if you consider yourself a “good person” who does many good deeds, you still need Jesus to forgive you, for you are still a sinner. You could never do enough good deeds to make up for your sin. Only Jesus can pay that price, and He already has.
If you already know Jesus, then stop for a moment.
Feel His love.
Thank Him for the many blessings in Your life. Every breath is a blessing.
If you don’t yet know Jesus, why not reach out to Him today? Pray with me. Use my words or your own. He will know what your heart wants to say.
I open my heart to You, the Son of God. Thank You for dying on the cross for the sins of humanity, including my own. Please forgive me my sins. You were resurrected after death. Please grant me eternal life to be with You always. I need You, Jesus. Please make me a new creation and open my eyes anew. I give my life to You, Jesus. Please fill me with Your love and the Holy Spirit.
In Your blessed name I pray, Jesus.
I am thankful to Jesus for making me a new creation. For forgiving me my many sins. For showing me the potential He sees in me. For showing me the depths of a love I never knew possible. For Mom. For my beloved. For my family. For my friends. For His provisions. For every breath. I thank Jesus.
Merry Christmas, everyone. Thank you for reading. May Jesus bless you!
The term “spiritual abuse” is not something I looked up on the Internet. I do not even know if such a phrase already exists. Here is how I am defining it: When someone you are under the authority of, per the Bible, fails to fulfill their Biblical responsibilities and instead creates an environment of disobedience to God.
I am the first person to say that nobody is perfect. This is not about a failure along the way or an error. This is about a spiritual authority that has a consistent pattern of being disobedient to the word of God, yet claiming they know Jesus. If you have been reading this blog for any period of time, you know a little about my story.
God has recently laid it on my heart to go deeper with you and reveal more. My intent is to help just one person. Perhaps that one person is you. If so, I have been praying for you.
I have been married for 23 years; neither of us were saved when we got married. Eleven years ago, I was saved, and then two years after that, my husband was baptized. There are many responsibilities in the Bible that are given to governments, people in authority, and to husbands and wives. Ever since I was saved, God put on my heart the burden to give up my old life and be on the mission field full time. What an honor to serve Him full time.
My husband did not have the same call on his heart. We talked to the Senior Pastor, who told me, “God is not a God of confusion.” The problem with the pastor’s advice is that he never said to my husband, “Have you prayed about the burden on your wife’s heart? She is adamant this is what she has heard from the Lord.”
My husband does not pray, does not read the Bible, and never speaks the name “Jesus.” But, as a “good,” submissive wife, I thought that the pastor and my husband were right. God is not a God of confusion. For over a decade, then, I buried that burden deep within my heart. I went on mission trips each year. I prayed that God would reveal the same burden to my husband, but He did not or my husband never revealed He did. That burden is with me every day to this very day. But I replay what the pastor said, “God is not a God of confusion.”
Daily, I beg God for my husband to draw closer to Jesus. I beg for God to provide me with a husband who will read the Bible with me or pray with me or provide some example to our three kids of what a Christian husband and father might look like.
Morning after morning and night after night during my prayer time with God, I sob. I cry out to God. I have become an expert at stifling my sobs, as I do not want the kids to hear me. I have also become an expert at “cleaning up” my face should one of the kids enter the area where I am praying. I wipe the tears extremely quickly and slap a smile on my face. I even learned that a certain eye cream helps when I have cried too hard and my eyes get puffy.
I have become an expert at hiding my pain. I have become an expert at burying what I know God put on my heart: Full time missionary work. I tell myself that if God wanted me to be a full time missionary, He would burden my husband. So, maybe the timing is not just right yet. Keep stifling those sobs, keep using that eye cream, keep being submissive.
In March of this year, my best friend in the world passed away extremely unexpectedly. He was 46-years-old.
I was crushed.
I could not breathe.
The police were waiting for me to arrive. And there my best friend was, gone, laying on the floor, gone at age 46. I had to make decisions about cremation, funeral services, his finances, etc. I am his executor. I agreed to do this, yes, but not now. I thought when we were 90, maybe.
You left me. I felt alone and so hurt. Jesus quickly swooped in and reminded me that you were a child of God. You are now with Him and completely healed. Jesus reminded me that I will see you again. I still cling to that knowledge to help me get through the pain day-by-day. Praise Jesus for His promises.
The death of my best friend awoke in me a journey that I needed to go on. As I planned his funeral and cleaned out his home, I kept feeling him with me spiritually. I believe that when someone has crossed over, they are still with you, just in a different way. As the months passed, I felt my best friend sharing with me that he had no idea how much I cried and hid my tears and buried what I was created to be and denied what I heard from God.
I continued to cry out to God and continued to stifle my sobbing and hide my tears and deny who I was in Him.
A few months ago, God showed me examples in the Bible of people under ungodly authorities. In Exodus 1:15-16, Pharaoh tells the Hebrew midwives to kill the baby boys. Verse 17 notes, “But because the midwives feared God, they refused to obey the king’s orders.” In verses 20 and 21, it says, “So God was good to the midwives […]. And because the midwives feared God, he gave them families of their own.” It appears from these Scriptures that God rewarded the midwives for their disobedience to the king and obedience to God.
In Daniel 3, Nebuchadnezzar requires all people to bow down and give worship to a statue. Three Jewish men refuse to obey the king. In verse 15, Nebuchadnezzar says, “I will give you one more chance to bow down and worship the statue.” In verse 18, the men reply, “We want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” The king throws the men into a blazing furnace and God saves them. Then in verse 28, “They defied the king’s command and were willing to die rather than serve or worship any god except their own God.” The three men were then promoted to even higher positions than before. It appears from these Scriptures that God rewarded the three men for their disobedience to the king and obedience to God.
I am currently in a Bible study by a popular American preacher. He says that when the wife fulfills Biblical responsibilities that belong to the husband, everything gets turned upside-down and the family unit is exposed to the enemy. I believe that, but what does a wife do? Stand by and allow her kids not to be led at all because it is the husband’s role?
Years ago, I made a conscious decision to lead my children and, yes, I assumed Biblical responsibilities that my Christian husband refused to do. I never stopped praying for my husband to be the spiritual leader that God created him to be and for me to be the wife that he needed to fulfill that role. No progress. More sobbing. More hiding the pain.
I have been fasting and praying for years about how to reconcile the command to be submissive to my husband versus the call that I know God has placed on my life as well as me leading the children versus my husband. I am choosing to divorce my husband. There are many reasons why I made this choice: verbal abuse, mental abuse, financial abuse, and, most of all, spiritual abuse.
I am not saying this path is for everyone. You must pray and listen to God. I have peace with the path I am now on. I have bathed it in prayer and asked for forgiveness from my husband and from God. I will continue to cry out daily for my husband, even when he is no longer my husband. The most important thing in this world is Jesus. Luke 12:31 says to “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need.”
All I need is Jesus. I want to give Him my life, my every breath. I have denied for a decade what He created me to do. I will be judged by other believers for the path I am taking. But this is not about them. This is about many years of daily conversations with God and me obeying the commands He has placed on the lives of every believer.
As I was praying about my marriage, my husband, and the path I am going down, I felt led to read Genesis. Laban deceives Jacob into marrying Leah, when Jacob just wanted to marry Rachel. In Genesis 31:1-16, conflict arises between Jacob and Laban. In verse 3, it says, “Then the Lord said to Jacob, ‘Return to the land of your father and grandfather and to your relatives there and I will be with you.'”
There will be occasions in our lives that God will use conflict to get us on a new path and, more importantly, He will use conflict to sever relationships that are not guiding us to God. If there is a relationship in your life that is causing you to move away from God, pray about severing it. Our command is to obey God, above all other authorities we are under: “And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength” (Deuteronomy 6:5).
What I realized is that in choosing to submit to my husband, I was allowing myself and my kids to be led away from God. When I began to move toward God, conflicts arose. I realized that the marriage I am in is a mockery of God. There is nothing Biblical about this marriage other than two people in it who claim to know Jesus as Lord. I choose to no longer submit to a husband who refuses to pray, read the Bible, or speak the name above all names, Jesus.
Yes, I will be judged by people for filing for a divorce. But I have peace in knowing that I am not confused, and I will no longer be spiritually abused or abused in any other way.