Month: December 2018

You are always loved

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By Snow

In my first week of being saved, back in June, my Bible Study Partner (BSP) instructed me to read Romans 8 repeatedly, especially verses 38 and 39. I hold these verses close to my heart.

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today or our worries about tomorrow–not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below–indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39

The power of these two verses still amazes me. We know that God is omnipresent – He exists everywhere at once. My pastor recently pointed out that God is not more in one place than another. He is just as much on Mars as He is in the holiest church on Earth.

This also means that God is just as much in the darkest, seediest places on Earth, too. He is constantly with all of us. He is with us when we are at our best, and He is with us when we are at our worst. No matter what sin we commit, He is still there. God is love, so we are always surrounded by love.

Take a moment to think about that. No matter how alone you may feel. No matter how dark the world may seem, you are constantly surrounded by love, because you are surrounded by God.

God is everywhere – which means He is even inside you. You are filled with His love at any given moment. Close your eyes and feel Him. Feel His love for you and for all of His creations.

Nothing can take His love away from you. Nothing. No one. He manifests that love in many ways, the most enduring of which was the gift of His only son, Jesus, to the world so that He could die for our sins and we might have everlasting life.

Not only does God exist in all places at once, He also exists in all times at once. That concept may be hard for us to understand, but the end result is He has always loved you, He loves you now, and He always will love you. Nothing can destroy this. No action you take. No action anyone else takes. His love for you is eternal. That is why He wants you to have eternal life, to live in the Perfect Place, Heaven, with Him. That is why He sent His son. For you. His love for you is that vast.

To accept that eternal gift of life, there is one action you must take, though. There is one thing you must do, friend. You must accept Jesus Christ in your heart as your savior (John 3:16). That’s it. If you do not already walk with Jesus, I pray that you take a moment to consider opening your heart to Him. No, you are not perfect. That is why He came here, after all. He came here for you. Let Him in. He is already with you. He always has been. Just open your heart. Your life will change.

Tree
Credit: JC

“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. We love each other because he loved us first.”
1 John 4:16-19

Having established that we are constantly surrounded and filled with God’s love, our next step is to trust that love, trust God. I admit, I still struggle with this one. There are certain events in my life that I want to happen sooner than later. However, I must allow His plan for me to unfold at His speed, not mine. This is difficult for me. I am rationally aware that He knows better than me. After all, He is omniscient – all-knowing. I am not always rational, though. Especially when I can’t see the path forward.

Of course, He sees the path. He makes the path. He is the path forward. When something seems impossible to me, I try to remember that it surely is less difficult than creating the entire universe. Nothing is impossible for Him, and I must trust Him.

God is love, and God is perfect, so of course God’s love for us is perfect. By obeying God, by “being Jesus” here on Earth, even our own love – for ourselves, for others, for God – can move towards perfection.

A story for another day, but for years I allowed fear to control me. It consumed me, and I did not even realize it most of the time. The opposite of fear is love. Let love control you, not fear.

You are never alone. Jesus is with you. You are always loved. Always.

Thank you for reading. May God bless you in 2019 as He has blessed me in 2018, for I have never before experienced such joy.

The ultimate gift

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By Snow

“And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”
Luke 2:8-14

Merry Christmas Eve Eve! As a child, I was always so excited by this date. My mom often allowed my little sister and me to exchange our gifts to one another on Christmas Eve. Usually around December 21 or 22, we would both start trying to push this timeline up a bit. Once or twice, Mom acquiesced, and we managed to give each other our presents on Christmas Eve Eve.

The most fun for me was seeing my sister’s reaction to what I gave her. While my funds were limited, I always hoped to find just the right present for her. They were small things, but our gifts to one another meant so much to both of us. I still remember many of the presents she gave me, and I even have a couple of them. There was the small Transformers airplane. The Michael Jordan basketball game. The electronic stopwatch/hippo game.

All these years later, my favorite part of gift exchange is seeing the other person when I think I have found just the right thing. As for me, my favorite gifts to receive are those from the heart. Something handmade or symbolic of a special time. Or, my most cherished gift of all, a letter. Things that cost little to nothing in terms of money, but are priceless to me.

This is my first year celebrating Christmas after being saved a little over six months ago. As you might expect, I see Christmas through a different lens now. It is hard for me to get wrapped up in all of the shopping hoopla anymore. I feel very detached from the “shopping days” element of Christmas. I see people rushing around, cutting each other off in traffic and worse in the parking lots. Peace on Earth? Good will towards one another? Not during the Christmas shopping season, it seems.

Most years, I hibernate from the day after Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day, only leaving the house to go to work due to how people behave. If I did otherwise go out, I would usually have someone else drive me, as I was afraid.

This year, I try not to let fear control me. I am a child of God! I will go where I need or want to go. I dove right into the traffic on Friday and Saturday, and I did fine. That may sound like a non-event, but for someone who is normally as anxious as I am while driving, it is an accomplishment, particularly in this frantic time of year. I feel different now.

I even went into a very crowded Target store yesterday to buy one $10 item, and I had not even mentally prepared for it. As people shoved and pushed past me, the anxiety that would normally rise up within me in such circumstances stayed away.

I am not naive enough to think that my anxiety is magically gone this week, but I do feel different.

Writing these posts is always so fascinating to me. I had not planned to cover anxiety again this week, yet here I am. Wherever the words take me.

When did Christmas become so much about shopping and so little about Jesus Christ? This has apparently been the case for quite some time. “I won’t let all this commercialism ruin my Christmas” proclaimed the titular character in A Charlie Brown Christmas. That was back in 1965, before my time. If Christmas was considered too commercial back then, what is it 53 years later?

What would poor Charlie Brown think of Christmas in 2018? One where Thanksgiving is but a gate to a shopping frenzy? One where towers of Amazon boxes await on our front porches each day? One where “Christmas Day” is often referred to only as “Holiday.” As in, “Holiday Sale 2018!!!” Christmas has not only been commercialized, but it has been genericized.

“Holiday” of course derives from “holy day,” and Christmas is the most holiest of days. It represents when the Son of God first came to our world to live as a human. After teaching, healing, and feeding so many, He gave all of us the ultimate gift, His precious blood. For He sacrificed Himself for our sins so that we who believe in Him would be right with God. He was then resurrected from the dead and walked the Earth again, before ascending back to Heaven to sit at His Father’s side. Yet, He remains with us always as well, for we are blessed to walk with Him today.

Nativity scene
Credit: JC

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
John 3:16

This is, of course, a famous verse, but it is always worth revisiting. Read it again. Christianity in its pure form, as documented in the New Testament, is as inclusive as can be. Whosever believes will have eternal life. That is the only requirement. Nothing else matters. Any sin you have committed. Any commandment you have broken. Even if you have broken all ten of them. Believe in Him, give your heart to Him, and you are forgiven. Forever. Believe in Him, truly believe, and your life will change. Mine changed, and it is still changing. I see the entire world through new eyes.

I see a world that we have wrecked, yet His creations continue to shine through. I see an imperfect but wonderful world. I see a world that needs us to continue His work. By opening our hearts, He can work through us.

Jesus gave up his life for us, so that we might eternally live. So that we who sin might have a chance to make it to the Perfect Place after all. He has paid off the debts of our sins. What other Christmas gift could possibly compare? The question is, have you accepted His gift? It is not available from Amazon.

Thank you for reading. May God bless you. Have a merry Christmas!

Inside an anxious heart

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By Snow

I have experienced much change since writing my last post over two weeks ago. Yet, some of my more annoying aspects continue.

I suffer from anxiety, which can be a challenge not only for me, but for those around me as it can manifest in various ways. In public, it often means I start to shut down.

Though I rationally know it is probably not true, in the moment I feel as if everyone is looking at me and judging me. I am holding the line up. I don’t know what to do next. People are barking instructions at me, but I don’t understand. I begin to freeze up. I just want to crawl away and hide. Better yet, disappear. Forever.

Flee. That is my instinct. This is not always an option, though. I usually have to push through. I often try to avoid certain scenarios that I know feed my anxiety. I don’t arrive at the grocery store after 8 AM, for instance, as it is too crowded. People. Always in a hurry. And I am always in the way. Always.

Driving is another challenge. There was a time when I only drove my one route back and forth to work, and I avoided driving elsewhere as much as I could. I would let someone else drive. That was easier. Give in to the fear. I became dependent, though. I could only go somewhere out of the ordinary if I had someone to drive me. With the encouragement of my Bible Study Partner (BSP), I have started driving myself on different routes and to different places. It may sound silly, but these are actually accomplishments to someone that had essentially drove only on a few established routes for years and had no confidence to drive anywhere else.

One Way sign, pointing to Heaven
Credit: JC

I can still get worked up while driving, though. Again with the people. Always rushing. Always in a hurry. I dread right turns at stoplights, for instance, because if the light is red, I am very cautious before proceeding. But, if someone honks his horn at me in impatience, my mind goes blank. Everything goes white. I can’t see. I sometimes go ahead and pull into oncoming traffic such that the person behind me can be on his way. I wonder if he would care if he watched me get creamed and splattered across the intersection in front of him? I suspect not. He would probably drive on past, happy to be on his way to whatever important destination awaits him. He has to get that morning coffee, after all.

Anxiety often hits me at work. The nature of my job is such that I have to talk to and interact with people every day.

Some days are better than others. On bad days, my heart will start pounding: Thud. Thud. Thud.

“The candidate is here for you to interview.”

Thud. Thud. Thud.

She is over 15 minutes early. I am not ready. I try to explain this to the recruiter. But my words are inadequate. I can’t think.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

I try to take a few minutes. I need time to think. To prepare. Before I can even take a breath, though.

“Here is the candidate!”

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

I can’t breathe. I’m not ready. I should have made this more clear, but it is too late. I can’t think. I don’t know what to do.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

Instead, I lash out. I am rude to the recruiter.

Now, I am not only suffering from anxiety, but I am being a jerk. This is not who I want to be. I am a child of God.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

Interview has to start. The rest of the interview panel is looking at me.

The knowing stares. The thoughts I think I see in their eyes.

He is losing it again.

What is wrong with him?

He can’t handle his position.

The one person who understands me steps in, covers for me. Things begin, despite me.

I breathe and try to calm down.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

I reach into my pocket and pull out a prayer stone that my BSP gave me for dealing with such situations. I hold it throughout the interview. I repeat over and over in my head, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

Thud. Thud. Thud.

By the time it is my turn to question the candidate, I am at least functioning.

I still feel the eyes, though. The worried looks.

I make it through the experience, but at what cost?

After the interview, I retreat to my office and close the door. I need time alone or, ideally, with my BSP. I remain off-kilter and need to re-center. Read scripture. Pray.

Nope. No time for any of that. Within a minute, there is a knock at my door.

Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.

It is the recruiter. This would be a great time to apologize. Or I should just ask her to come back later.

That’s not what I do, though. Instead, I lash out even more. If it seemed like I might have been a jerk before, this solidifies it.

The recruiter leaves, and I finally get a chance to be alone with God. Why did I let all of this happen? What is wrong with me?

I wish this post had answers. It does not. All I can say is that I remain a work in progress. Incidentally, I did later apologize to the recruiter, and I asked forgiveness from both her and God.

My BSP helps me tremendously with my anxiety, finding ways to comfort and calm me. Suggesting things to try in the moment. Always trying to help. I am sad to report that I even occasionally lash out at this caring individual. Yes, I am that much of a jerk.

All I can say is that I am trying. Some suggest taking life a day at a time, but sometimes, I have to take it more like a moment at a time. Just get through this moment, and then the next. Then the next.

Thank you for reading. May God bless you.

Stepping stone to eternity

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Cross on a mountaintop
Credit: JC

By Snow

“By God’s grace and mighty power, I have been given the privilege of serving him by spreading this Good News.”
Ephesians 3:7

As with all of our resources, time actually belongs to God. We are to follow His will in how to use it (Ephesians 5:15-17). Before I was saved, I considered faith a very private matter. Though I held a belief in God, it was not something I usually discussed with people. Oh sure, I would say the typical, “My thoughts and prayers are with you,” when someone encountered a tragedy, but what did that really mean?

After being saved a few months ago, I initially wanted to remain in a kind of “bubble.” I still considered faith to be very private, so I avoided discussing the many changes that were happening in my life with anyone besides my Bible Study Partner (BSP).

Only recently, with the encouragement of my BSP, have I started to find my way out of this bubble in small but rapidly growing ways, including by starting this blog. I am also mentioning Jesus to people in my life. Last week, for instance, I finally told my siblings and other family members about being saved, and they were all very supportive.

As a follower of Jesus, I have the awesome responsibility and privilege of representing Him. As Paul states above in his letter to the Ephesians, part of that responsibility – through the grace of God – is to share the gospel, the Good News that the suffering and death of Jesus for our sins, His resurrection, and His ascension back to Heaven make those who believe and accept Him right with God (1 John 4:9-10).

It does not matter who you are – age, education, ethnicity, race, nationality, financial status, or background. It does not matter what you have done in your past, for He already knew your every failure when He chose to die on the cross for you.

He knows everything there is to know about you. Everything. He loves you, and if you believe in Him, you will experience that love in so many new ways, including eternal life. Once you accept this Gift, no one can take it away from you. No one (Romans 8:38-39).

I owe my eternal life to Jesus. Any physical or emotional pain that I experience here is nothing compared to the pain He experienced sacrificing Himself on the cross for my sins. I belong to Him, I serve Him, and I love Him.

When someone needs His hand, I pray to Jesus for her or him. He already knows all needs, so the praying is really for my benefit as part of my personal relationship with God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Life is a stepping stone to eternity – Heaven for those who are saved. In this life, we have choices. How to live? What to believe? Who to follow? I choose to believe in and follow Jesus. I choose to obey Him as best I can, despite my many failings.

I choose to begin making the most of my time here on this stepping stone.

Thank you for reading. God bless you.