Yet, He loves me

In the before-times. . . .

A typical work day. When I first wake up, I check twitter on my iPhone and read various websites for interesting pop culture or news stories. Twitter is also a way to stay on top of political opinions and happenings.

Twitter is my companion while eating breakfast, with the TV blaring the news of the day or sometimes cartoons in the background. My day is usually better if I start with cartoons instead of news.

At work, lunch is an inconvenience. I eat alone and as quickly as possible – I can finish a reasonable meal within ten minutes, often far less. During that time, I read twitter. As soon as my food is done, I get back to work. After all, I have an important job.

When out and about in the day, if I have a spare moment, I read through twitter. It is convenient, since I often have my phone with me. It is something to do while waiting. Twitter, of course, can be a valuable tool, but it can also be a dumpster fire of hostility. Some of the tweets I encounter make me sad.

In the evening, I watch TV or surf the web. Sometimes, I read a book – but somehow TV watching and web surfing seems to sap out time for reading. As with twitter, both TV and the web can offer positive experiences, but also negative ones. Certainly on the web, I stray far too often into places I should not be – especially as a person who tells himself that he respects women. I carefully delete web history and hope no one finds the images I save. And deep in the back of my closet there are those DVDs I hope no one ever discovers, either.

I live a life of shame.

“I hate myself. I wish I was dead,” I repeat in my head throughout most days.

Sunlight breaking through clouds
Credit: JC

Then, Jesus saved me.

The focus of my life has changed.

A typical work day. Before breakfast, I have quiet time. Using the YouVersion app on my iPhone, I read at least three chapters of the Bible, often as part of various devotional reading plans. Sometimes, I journal in reaction to what I have read. I then spend time praying to Him.

The Bible, through YouVersion, is also my companion while eating breakfast, preferably with the TV off. My day is always better if I start with Jesus instead of news.

At work, lunch hour is a cherished time. While I sometimes eat with my Bible Study Partner (BSP) and we discuss Jesus, most of the time schedules are such that I am still alone. Though some habits are hard to break, I try not to tear through my food as quickly as I once did. During lunch, I read the Bible/YouVersion. Sometimes, I journal my thoughts again. Sometimes, I pray. Most days, I use my entire break before getting back to work. After all, Jesus is the most important part of life.

When out and about in the day, if I have a spare moment, I read the Bible/YouVersion. It is convenient, since I always have my phone with me. My phone is not only my Bible, but also a connection to my BSP. Reading the Bible or discussing Him with my BSP brings me joy.

In the evening, I rarely surf the web anymore. I still keep up with some pop culture news, but in the grand scheme of things, none of it is important. I have deleted my old twitter account. Most nights, I read the Bible/YouVersion again before saying my prayers.

As for those images and DVDs, they have been deleted and shredded. This blog is about raw truth, so I will tell you there are still times I think about them, but it is fewer and farther between now. Each time, I pray those feelings away.

It is by no means perfect, but I live a life of happiness. I am blessed. Throughout my day, I pray or otherwise think of Him.

Sometimes, my dark thoughts about myself return, though. When they do, I pray. I read the Bible. I listen to praise music. If it is really bad, I reach out to my BSP, and we pray together.

Jesus knows every horrible thing I have ever done and ever will do. Yet, He loves me (Romans 5:8).

The Son of God died on the cross for my sins. God resurrected Him from the dead, and many witnessed Jesus before He ascended back to Heaven. By believing in Him, I am forgiven of my sins and I, too, will have eternal life with Jesus and my other brothers and sisters in Christ.

Jesus loves you, too. No matter what you have done.

Thank you for reading. God bless you.