By Snow
Sometimes, you hear words that might be from God, but you’re not entirely sure if it’s really Him, your own meandering thoughts, or some other influence. Other times, it is clear as a bell Who is speaking to you.
I woke up at one point in the middle of the night as I heard this:
“How can I help you with your writing if you never write?”
When I mentioned this to my beloved bride this morning, she described it as “a punch to your gut.” More like a kick in my rear.
God is, of course, right. Being omniscient surely helps Him in that regard. I don’t have to be all-knowing to understand what He is saying, though.
Writing is a gift that He gave me, but lately I have not been writing – not here, not there, not anywhere. Even at work, where I normally find writing a pleasure compared to the rest of my job’s responsibilities, I have tried my best to avoid it.
Oh, I could create you an entire page of excuses on why I put writing away in a drawer – some of them quite legitimate. However, you don’t want to read that, and none of those excuses really matter.
The real reason I have not been writing is because I have been in an enemy stronghold – by my own doing. At some point, I allowed complaining to become my default perspective instead of gratitude. I have been angry at God for a lot of things over the last few years.
I know that God sees the whole forest while I am fortunate if I can even see one leaf of one branch of one tree. To use another metaphor, He sees the gigantic beach of His whole Plan, and I see at most a grain of sand in it. Sometimes, just an atom or two. I know all of this, yet I still find myself yelling, sometimes literally, “Why God? Why?!?”
I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and I am indeed grateful for all of it – we just spent a long weekend focusing on giving thanks to God for our many blessings. I couldn’t list them all here if I tried – that’s how blessed I am.
Last week, I took a walk in my favorite park to try to reconnect with God. While He is everywhere, I feel closest to Him there. I had some success that day. I realized I was carrying around a lot of pain – pain that I needed to give to Him. Jesus died for me so that I would not have to carry pain. Life can bring us disappointments sometimes. There are also disappointments we create on our own.
At the park, I felt Him, and I left there feeling better, but still not really having any answers. I was just as confused.
Today, with the additional impetus of His overnight words, I was able to put a lot of the things swimming around in my head on paper – and even create a plan of sorts.
A recent blessing is that I will be embarking on a writing project that is far beyond my capabilities to achieve. I have to trust God, for I can only achieve it with His help.
He can only help me write if I write.
So, I am writing again.
“Be careful then, dear brothers and sisters. Make sure that your own hearts are not evil and unbelieving, turning you away from the living God. You must warn each other every day, while it is still ‘today,’ so that none of you will be deceived by sin and hardened against God. For if we are faithful to the end, trusting God just as firmly as when we first believed, we will share in all that belongs to Christ.”
Hebrews 3:12-14 NLT
Beloved Walks 